Tantra and BDSM

To what do we owe the recent closing of ranks between the strict dominas and the fluffy, enlightened hippies? Aren’t BDSM and Tantra radically opposed, sort of like prison wardens and social workers? If there is such a contradiction? Pixie the fluffy Dominatrix says: since we’re all together in the slammer and there’s someone on the outside baking us a pie with a file in it, it’s perfectly OK to be ready to break out of the existential doom and gloom.

AN ESSAY FROM MY SADOMASOCHISTIC PRACTICE

To what do we owe the recent closing of ranks between the strict dominas and the fluffy, enlightened hippies?Aren’t BDSM and Tantra radically opposed, sort of like prison wardens and social workers? Is there reallysuch a contradiction? Pixie the fluffy Dominatrix says: since we’re all together in the slammer and there’s someone on the outside baking us a pie with a file in it, it’s perfectly OK to be ready to break out of the existential doom.

I really think that both, Tantra and BDSM, are optimal ways of achieving inner liberation, especially when applied together. Tantric massage aims at affecting both, body consciousness and body unconsciousness.

Since the tantra masseuse gives you her undivided attention, focusing on all that is good and positive in you, her touch is especially soothing, relaxing and even healing. Tantra is about unconditional acceptance of the status quo and – miraculously – the end result is beauty and emotional warmth.

In my role as Pixie Pee Magic the tantra dominatrix, I can spend an hour or two springing wildly on top of you, slowly letting the tip of my whip stroke you between your balls, gradually sliding up towards the tip of your penis. I knead, press, mould, tie and untie your passive body. First my hands cover you in oil, then your body is wrapped in warm, wet towels. Now my fingernail is about to trace an invisible path from the point between your eyes all the way to the tip of your toe. I’m holding you. Your head is resting in my arms. I place my hand on your forehead, softly touch your eyelids and, one by one, your every chakra. I touch your interface. My finger slides in between your butt cheeks (Muladhara-Chakra) and soon you’re receiving a deeply sensual prostate massage. Right after I plunge my magic wand (strap-on) into your exposed behind.

I may piss you in the face. That’s quite a sight, but what it’s actually about is experiencing a deep sensation and the flow of warm energy between us, granting us a short break from the stifling presence of the inner „I“.

So we’re aming at the same thing as during a standard BDSM-session without any tantric elements.

Classical BDSM arrives at the same result predominantly through the head. The head of a scientifically inclined butcher, who gladly plays around in the mud with the piglet he’s about to roast on a spit.

BDSM sessions are about taking on a role: that of a humiliated servant, a concerned lover, a strict lady, a cuddly puppy, a bad wolf who has eaten the grandmother and must be punished by the Little Red Riding Hood – these are just some examples.Roles of a Bizarre-psychoterapist specializing in sexual preference deviations and her recalcitrant patients, or of cuckolded husband who comes home to see his wifey have the time of her life – without him.

Only then does the guest’s body get involved. As a dominatrix I love coming up with these frequently outlandish and hilarious scenarios in order to finally be able to pinch, slap, apply clamps, whip, chain up, bend, fist and yeah, also to gently stroke.

Whereas in a tantra session we get things going with the help of body contact, in the BDSM session we take a detour through the rationality, presumed unreasonableness, words, situations, shameful and taboo subjects, leather masks and latex suits, oh yeah… But the end result is still the same:

We’re feeling aware, in the moment, and then we let go. A mistress helps this to happen by giving you permission to let go.

She has total control over the willing devotee, the resilient slave or the harnessed pony. She knows exactly in which direction to take things for the next sixty minutes and you don’t need to make any decisions yourself.

You lose yourself in the role you’re playing, guided by the touch of the dominatrix. Let go and be at her mercy – her plaything (you, that is) will be well looked after.

There’s no clear separation of roles into active/passive either in the tantric massage with BDSM elements, or in the normal tantric massage. The masseuse’s impulse tells her which spot to touch next, which flogger, inflatable plug is the most effective on the chosen body area. The guest remains on the receiving end. He cannot touch anything himself, his role is to feel deeply, without having to worry. The guest feels looked after, touched, cared for and loved. He can let go and trust the masseuse to take good care of him.

I have recently read Martin Walser’s „A Dying Man“. The dying protagonist of the novel realizes that there’s nothing more interesting in life than just existing (throughout his life he had always been distracted by reading). The immersive quality of a well-prepared BDSM Session or Tantra massage is exactly that – a happy feeling of existing, of being here and now. The need to scrutinize disappears once you become part of a bigger whole.

Or, in the words of Seani Love (Sex Worker of the year – 2016) at the ‚Conscious Kink‘ workshop: ‚I’ve got you, I’ve got you undistracted. I’ve got you in your body‘.

Tantra and BDSM, and naturally a combination of both, have the power to free the inner self from suffering, at least for the time being.

One of my tantra teachers once expressed her concerns that BDSM increases the amount of pain in a person’s life. On the contrary, BDSM is a way to let go of certain kinds of pain. Supposed humiliation and use of violence in the course of a consensual BDSM-session seems to me a kind of autohaemotherapy on the way from the proverbial slavery towards complete freedom.

German psychoanalyst and body-psychotherapist Dr. Tilmann Moser reports his patients’ positive reaction to offers of protection, as well as strength/resistance during their therapy sessions. Dr. Moser offers various forms of physical contact to his patients during his psychologically inclined conversational therapy sessions. It can be holding hands with the patient, placing hands on the patient’s head, pressing against each other’s hands etc. Dr. Moser has come to a conclusion that this is an effective method of counteracting and alleviating the negative effects of depression.

Such established tantra institutions as „Ananda“ in Cologne have also embraced the mixture of protection together with strength/resistance and offer them as „Liberty Massage“ along with their standard tantra sessions.

There is now a growing number of mixed workshops and courses aimed at hobby-healers where one can learn about the link that exists between tantra and bondage. Specifically this attention, together with the sensation of being held, the connection via rope, as it is being taught here, has a healing effect on many people – everyone should master this way of therapy – especially those types I often run into when traveling by metro – it’s a wonderful hobby and very gratifying as a job.

Let’s try and categorize the different types of sessions.

If the guest spends a quarter of an hour relaxing each and every face muscle, he’s inevitably smiling by the end. That’s your typical tantra session.

If the guest is making me laugh as he earnestly tells me from underneath his wolf mask that he hasn’t eaten Grandma, although during the rectal probing I can clearly feel the opposite – he’s so consumed by the part he’s playing that he has already shaken off his familiar „I“. This guy is safely headed for the subspace. That’s a BDSM session.

If during the tantra massage I whisper such dirty words into my guest’s ear that his erection is through the roof, yet he isn’t allowed to come until the hour is up and in the meantime has to endure penis bondage, whipping and awakening of his energy body with the help of my fingers – now this guy is in the middle of a tantra massage session with BDSM elements.

Each of these pilgrimages has the same aim: the holy subspace, satisfying body chemistry, deep sensations, joy, and, above all, a time off from „I“ so that we can comfortably resume being ourselves again afterwards.